she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
