totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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