You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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