DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
