haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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