dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
