This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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