put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
