i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
