He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
