i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
