Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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