I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize