I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
