I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
