I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
