Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
