Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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