Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
