her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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