he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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