turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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