when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize