Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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