I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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