I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
