My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
