I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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