He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
