you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
