Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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