call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
