Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
