Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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