He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
