You're earring is so big in my mouth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
PANTIES FOUND
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