I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
