I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
