He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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