my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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