TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
