she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pants are for mortals
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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