3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
