if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
