I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize