problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
