im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
