So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
