Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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