I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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