Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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