you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
