Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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