i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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