Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
