I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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