the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
