ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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