Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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