Kiss
Puke
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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