At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
