I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
