I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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