Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
