The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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