i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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