thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
