Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
from now on my penis is your penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
