To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
