We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
