If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
