Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
