i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
