i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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