that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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