i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
