I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
