i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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