my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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