i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
