and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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