Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
