FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
