He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
