Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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