Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
