it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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