he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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