Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
