All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
