Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
