I just threw up on my dentist
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
