Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize