Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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