I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
