I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
