Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
