So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
