she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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