Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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