I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
