This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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