Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
