it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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