Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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