I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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