My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
