u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His nipple licking is glorious
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