Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't deserve a penis
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
